Dark Day
by OceanFae
Summary: Score. Read it, you know you want to. Rated for language, lack of clothing, and copious amounts of glitter.


A/N: HOMAHGAWD, you guys. I haven't written a Labyrinth story in a while. But I thought to myself, hey, why not. People need a little humor and shirtless Jareth in their diets, so why not give them some? This story is dedicated to all my buddies who make my day with their brilliant stories. Especially Syli, who has been my e-mail buddy for a year now, and Lixxle, who has let me glomp her on deviantart multiple times. This is for you guys.

Dislcamer: If I owned Jareth, I'd be the happiest fangirl on the planet. Alas, I do not. But I do own a handmade goblin statue named Leonardo De Goblin.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

HOPE YOU ENJOY!

* * *

Today, Sarah decided, was not a day for surprises. It had started out fairly normal. She woke up with her head at the foot of her bed, her mouth open, snoring like one only does when one is alone in the room. She was completely bare of covers, for they had all carefully moved to the floor while she was sleeping, seemingly trying to escape the atrocious noise coming out of her mouth. She smacked loudly and looked around, wondering how they made it that far across the room. She stared at them accusingly, and they had the good sense to look sheepish. (Well, as sheepish as quilted blankets could look.)

She then put on pants and made her way to her kitchen. She glowered angrily at the table, with pizza from the night before strewn all over it. There was popcorn ground into the carpet of her living room, and a dead fish on her counter. The tag said 'Lady'. She sighed and opened the refrigerator to get out the milk.

* * *

Today, Jareth decided, was a fantastic day. He woke up in a spectacular mood, which was strange due to the fact that he was at nature a sullen creature who did not enjoy the bright, sunny morning any more than a cat enjoys a good shaving.

He had a terrible case of bed head, and was tangled so deeply in his covers that magic was needed to extract himself. Oddly, he was happy anyway.

One would wonder why he was so happy. Did this merriment have anything to do with the fact that there was no noise in the castle beyond the goblin city? Or perhaps the fact that he was not wearing any pants? He sighed, content, and got dressed.

* * *

Sarah was wearing rubber gloves, a bleach spotted t-shirt, and sweatpants. Her hair was so knotted that she fiercely put it into a pony tail. (The pony tail holder vaguely wondered why it was being treated so horribly; it had done nothing wrong.) She sat on the floor of her kitchen attempting to scrub out what looked to be dried Kool-Aid on the linoleum. The washcloth silently screamed at the malicious workout it was being subjected to.

"Stupid, mother trucking, _goblins_." She seethed, getting on her knees and putting some fierce motion into it. When it was clean, she grabbed the vacuum and began the popcorn clean up.

* * *

Jareth was singing. Granted, he was singing was incredibly off key lyrics to Spice Girls songs, but singing none the less. The entire castle was goblin free. Today was Dark Day, a somewhat national holiday for goblins. The veils were completely lifted the night before at midnight, giving them free reign on the human world for twenty six hours. According to his clock, he still had nineteen hours and fifteen minutes left to do what he pleased.

At first, this involved singing and sighing happily. Then a bit of freestyle dancing.

He was giving careful thought to twirling. _With glitter._

* * *

Sarah was sitting. She had successfully cleaned her apartment, and was armed with a broom and a spray bottle if any stray goblin should pounce back into her home during the day. She was watching a documentary about a boy who was mauled by a tiger after climbing into its cage. And she was laughing.

There was a crash in the kitchen.

"GODDAMNIT!" she screeched, tripping over her feet on her way to the kitchen. The fridge door was open, and three tiny little goblins stood on each other shoulders in order to reach the leftovers on the top shelf. When they saw Sarah, they screeched as well.

"LADY!" she wielded her broom angrily, and they dashed for the shadows.

Sarah followed.

* * *

Jareth was sitting. Well, napping, actually. His head was back in his throne, and his hair was tousled. He was using his cloak as a blanket. He had been having a fantastic dream about a certain young woman involving very little clothing and a sprinkling of glitter. The dream was abruptly shattered when the sound of screeching goblins woke him up brutally.

"YER MAGESTY!!! Please, save us from the Lady!" they screamed, and scattered around him and behind his throne.

"Get back here you dirty, evil asses!" Sarah exclaimed as she crashed into the room wielding her broom like a sword.

"Sarah?" he said, dubiously.

"Goblin King?" she said, equally confused. She then looked around. It would seem that in her rage fueled hysteria, she did not notice that she was no longer in her apartment complex.

She is very observant.

"What are you doing here?" he was surprisingly chipper, but with a hint of arrogance, surprise, and annoyance.

"Chasing goblins. They messed up my place." She was blushing. Jareth briefly wondered why, but then realized that he had removed his shirt while dancing. _Score, _he thought, regally.

"Oh. Are you planning on murdering them with your cleaning equipment?" he asked.

"Er, no?" she said. She was still pissed off. However, it was slowly melting away into happy, shirtless, delicious joy. She fought to stay angry in the face of temptation. She was going to beat the little buggers senseless when she got ahold of them. The peeked out from behind the throne and stared at her with big terrified eyes. She frowned and glared at them.

"You cant blame them for what they do. Today is Dark Day." He explained, catching her attention. She stared at his face for a moment, but her gaze drifted slowly to his chest every so often, then snapped back up to his eyes.

"What's that?" she asked, angrily. _Pissed, stay pissed. He's not that good looking. _

_Liar! _her inner voice screamed, then laughed manically. She agreed.

"Today, they have free range Aboveground to do whatever mischief they please. In other words, its _my day off._" He looked pointedly behind his throne, where three goblins still trembled in fear of the evil lady with a broom. He turned to them.

"Go back out, lads, you're safe. Just stay out of her place." He said, sounding very much like a king but also like a kindergarten teacher.

"You mean, there are no goblins _here_ today?" she asked, with a hopeful look in her eyes.

"Yes, I suppose, but…" the king stopped. Then thought. Then looked positively devious. "Sarah?"

"Yep?" she asked, not knowing if she liked the look in his eyes, but loving the prospect of no goblins and shirtless kings.

"Would you like to stay here for the day?" he asked. There were many joyful thoughts running through his head at this point, many of them involving leather, glitter, and adult type touching.

"Sure." She smiled.

_Score._

* * *

I wonder who thought that last line? I'm betting both.

Is it bad that I'm blushing just by using the _phrase_ adult type touching? (Thank you, Lixxle, for the ingenious usage of that preticular phrase. I find it insanely amusing.) Gah. I hope you review, because I'm seriously in love with this story.

(EDIT: Thank you to the wonderfull J Luc Pitard for noticing the mistakes and editing them for me! That was very sweet of you, dear.)

Review, and you get a chocolate covered Jareth sans clothing!


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